my "Awakening"

[nobodyspecail07]

It seems we all want some sort of story to listen to and so I have recognized most of us are interested in the story of HOW, WHY, and what not has caused this thing to occur. I don't know what occured and can't pin point any particular reason for this "happening" if you will..but...here it is...i used a lot of drugs between the ages of 18 and 28. I was insecure, afraid of the world, and always wanted approval or validation...always wanting people to like me..I wanted to be liked by others that seemed to be more confident, more secure, I wanted others to think I was Cool. It seemed to come to a point where I decided I must either kill myself...or try once more to do something without expecting anything to happen (as they always talk in those meetings of the "miracle" and that sort of thing and I had no idea what they were talking about, I still don't as I wouldnt call it a miracle) And so it seems I went out and did the one thing I feared most, I went to one of those AA meetings and spoke out and pushed through the anxiety and something there in that moment opened up, or sort of came flowing out that came from a source of energy I never imagined could happen naturally. I spoke with authority, had no care for what anyone thought about what I was saying at all...and so...i can't really say to anyone to go out and face their fears or any such thing..this thing seems to be A-causal. It seems it just happens..this chemical release of some sort. And so over probably the course of a week, it gradually continued to gain momentum..and so ensued a relentless questioning of this so called "self". It seemed to be a gradual recognition that I was the only problem if there was any. "I" is the problem.."me" the identity, WANTING to be something I'm not. I can't tell anyone to do what I did and that some miracle may happen for them..i wasn't even LOOKING for this. I wouldn't even look for it if I was someone trying to figure or seek this out now being in it because there is NO going back. The relentless question left me with one last question..what am I? And I stopped asking any questions of that sort all together. This thing is nothing to play with and it can be dangerous and get out of hand. The seeking of this (assuming I "know" what they mean by spiritual awakening at all) how can I know for certain that this is what they talk of..that I'm in the same state as all these so called saints, sages, and saviors most like to look to? But I do have a particular certainty of something..the nature of wich I can't even say anything about, only allude to or try to point to using the thought which is logical and rational by nature and this thing is very much illogical and irrational. Why am I writing on this message board..i suppose because I have to make some noise..it wants to express itself in some way..and the admin is very gracious to allow this venue for me. I use "I" and "me" for purposes of communication, otherwise i see no self or entity behind this...the thought falls into its natural rhythm along with the workings of the rest of the body...so I only "think" when I'm engaged otherwise no thinking is needed to just do whatever it is we have to do...enough out of me.

[WeAreAllOne]

This is a great post, I appreciate you sharing this. I think a lot of us can relate to your initial opening message of wanting to be confident, secure, and not worry what others think. We are social creatures and so it is easy to fall into a trap of herd mentality and wanting to be liked/approved of by others. This is expected to a degree but it can become unhealthy and knock us off balance once we focus on it so much. I am glad you were able to break through and and gain your center and balance you needed.

I had similar emotions and feelings growing up and kind of eventually reached the same breaking point as you. It's really not worth it allowing others to dictate your mannerisms, thoughts, opinions, actions. It gets so tiring "keeping up with the jones's" and staying on top of trends. Eventually you realize it is just not worth it and is much more pure and authentic to be your own self instead of this manufactured corporate person that main stream wants you to be.

It's kind of cliche but it really does wonders to just be yourself and not worry about others. Most people are so focused on themselves they barely recognize what others are doing. This is a relief in itself but mostly we just need to learn to be our own creative sparks of light and do things in our own manner instead of conforming to some weird societal expectation of who you're "supposed to be". Thanks for the great post, it really hits on some fitting topics many people struggle with.

[Ati!123]

Hi you! This is an interesting experience you are describing. I went through the same thing (I think?), only it was done with guidance with the purpose of "awakening" so to speak. With "awakening" I mean having a glimpse or an insight, in wich you see through the psychological "I", and are released from it. 

I will describe my own experience, and you can see if you think it resembles your own, and if it can be of some help  

I did a meditation technique called two-part-formula, in which you practise a switching between selfless awarness and strongly focusing on the sense of self, the "I" so to speak, the goal is to see which one is the real deal and which is not. I did this for about three weeks, and during the time I experienced wild energy movements in the body, a lot of tiredness, other people I have read about o talked to desribe similar things though some of our karmic stuff seem to be individual to the person. After about three weeks, when doing the affirmation (saying to yourself "I", "I" and feeling into how that is like/what the self feels like) I experienced a kind release, as if getting a stone out of your shoe or letting go of a really heavy backpack you did not even know you where carrying around. I saw that there actually had never been such a thing  as a self, only a riple in the field of awarness creating the confusion of that self and so the cause of my suffering or existential confusion so to speak. The next week or two it was like all social anxiety was gone, and a kind of freedom started expressing itself in my daily life activities, I could see how people around me was suffering of this entity, and the whole thing was absurd as they clearly bellonged to the same spacious awarness as I did. Like some kind of misunderstanding. After some time things became more normal, though meditation changed and became "easier" in a way, the head felt (and still feels) more spacious and there is a kind of openness to your surroundings. 

After that experience I have kept practicing, this time I used tantrc techniques focusing on the energy body, and three-four times I had have similar kinds of insights, in which a part of the ego slips away, permanently!, and reviels this spacious freedom and peacfullness. Its hard to describe the experiences fully, though if you look there will be plenty of stuff available for you to read. 
I hope this made sense to you, there are plenty of practicioners out there that have had sme insights, and that keep practising for the sole purpose to shed all the sense of selfing, so to attain this freedom, look at Eckhart Tolle or Dalai Lama for example  

If you are interested in finding out more about this, you can look into the book that made me start www.en.openheart.fi/114 there are I think 15-20 practiciones talking about their experiences, or check out this blog awakeningtoreality.blogspot.sg (and the book that is attached there. Both have a lot of material and testemonies on people going through shifts, and it can be helpful to read about so to know what might be happening to you. 

I hope this can be of some help to you, good luck!

[nobodyspecail07]

Thabks for sharing. Yes at first I had some possibly similar sensations in the body...these chakra references made by eastern "gurus" isn't all non sense...every one of them opened up it seems and it was a powerful thing...but to mystify it I dont really think is necessary...these are particular glands in the body that for wjatever reason seem to go dormant in us and then just sporadically "wake up" However I was doing rhings I probably shouldn't at first..the nervous system is very sensitive...and I was putting myself in social situations that I used to fear sort of testing the waters..it gave off an incredible energy..but from my perspective I think ultimately the body is just trying to protect itself and throwing oneself into these otherwise frightening situations may feel good...but the body I think isn't interested..it still wants to regress...and so I just stay away from those situations anymore even though I know I can handle anything..one must be careful with this thing I believe..it can be dangerous. I'll check out that link sir thankyou.

[scottishgal]

Jul 8, 2019 12:08:36 GMT -8 nobodyspecail07 said:

Thabks for sharing. Yes at first I had some possibly similar sensations in the body...these chakra references made by eastern "gurus" isn't all non sense...every one of them opened up it seems and it was a powerful thing...but to mystify it I dont really think is necessary...these are particular glands in the body that for wjatever reason seem to go dormant in us and then just sporadically "wake up" However I was doing rhings I probably shouldn't at first..the nervous system is very sensitive...and I was putting myself in social situations that I used to fear sort of testing the waters..it gave off an incredible energy..but from my perspective I think ultimately the body is just trying to protect itself and throwing oneself into these otherwise frightening situations may feel good...but the body I think isn't interested..it still wants to regress...and so I just stay away from those situations anymore even though I know I can handle anything..one must be careful with this thing I believe..it can be dangerous. I'll check out that link sir thankyou.

Before a person ever starts meditating they should always visualise being surrounded by light. If this is done. There should be nothing to be frightened of. Holding on to fear is the worst thing that that can happen. You are placed in a vulnerable position and are a sitting duck for any entity that wants to cause trouble for you.

[WeAreAllOne]

Jul 25, 2019 23:32:38 GMT -8 scottishgal said:

Jul 8, 2019 12:08:36 GMT -8 nobodyspecail07 said:

Thabks for sharing. Yes at first I had some possibly similar sensations in the body...these chakra references made by eastern "gurus" isn't all non sense...every one of them opened up it seems and it was a powerful thing...but to mystify it I dont really think is necessary...these are particular glands in the body that for wjatever reason seem to go dormant in us and then just sporadically "wake up" However I was doing rhings I probably shouldn't at first..the nervous system is very sensitive...and I was putting myself in social situations that I used to fear sort of testing the waters..it gave off an incredible energy..but from my perspective I think ultimately the body is just trying to protect itself and throwing oneself into these otherwise frightening situations may feel good...but the body I think isn't interested..it still wants to regress...and so I just stay away from those situations anymore even though I know I can handle anything..one must be careful with this thing I believe..it can be dangerous. I'll check out that link sir thankyou.

Before a person ever starts meditating they should always visualise being surrounded by light. If this is done. There should be nothing to be frightened of. Holding on to fear is the worst thing that that can happen. You are placed in a vulnerable position and are a sitting duck for any entity that wants to cause trouble for you.

Hi Scottish good to see you =]

I agree with the light comment

I like to visualize it daily, even surrounding my loved ones and family as well as car, my own person, and whatever else I may be in.

Really helps bring peace of mind. I also like to combine this sometimes with sage, or other incense smoke, can also pair it with a favorite crystal and essential oil as well.

[nobodyspecail07]

Jul 25, 2019 23:32:38 GMT -8 scottishgal said:

Jul 8, 2019 12:08:36 GMT -8 nobodyspecail07 said:

Thabks for sharing. Yes at first I had some possibly similar sensations in the body...these chakra references made by eastern "gurus" isn't all non sense...every one of them opened up it seems and it was a powerful thing...but to mystify it I dont really think is necessary...these are particular glands in the body that for wjatever reason seem to go dormant in us and then just sporadically "wake up" However I was doing rhings I probably shouldn't at first..the nervous system is very sensitive...and I was putting myself in social situations that I used to fear sort of testing the waters..it gave off an incredible energy..but from my perspective I think ultimately the body is just trying to protect itself and throwing oneself into these otherwise frightening situations may feel good...but the body I think isn't interested..it still wants to regress...and so I just stay away from those situations anymore even though I know I can handle anything..one must be careful with this thing I believe..it can be dangerous. I'll check out that link sir thankyou.

Before a person ever starts meditating they should always visualise being surrounded by light. If this is done. There should be nothing to be frightened of. Holding on to fear is the worst thing that that can happen. You are placed in a vulnerable position and are a sitting duck for any entity that wants to cause trouble for you.

Well thats very nice of you to be helpful, but for me...I dont see really any "picture in the head any longer..the body almost seems to be eminating its own light from within...not to sound too strange but it seems to be the case...it is very strange..no visualisation is really necessary for me...I respect your thoughts but.. this is just me.

[Yoda]

The awakening process happens to most naturally. Be it on an individual scale. It cannot be forced as you have to be intiated. what I mean you have to learn to crawl before you can sprint.
What can be done to speed up the process is to raise you vibration/frequency. This enables our consciousness to accept the required 'downloads' so to speak, for our transfiguration.